Welcome to our collection of memorable quotes by Johnny Carson, a legendary figure in American television history. Johnny Carson, best known as the host of The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, captivated audiences with his wit, charm, and impeccable comedic timing for over three decades. As one of the most iconic late-night hosts, Carson’s influence on comedy and entertainment is immeasurable, and his words continue to resonate with audiences around the world.
Throughout his illustrious career, Johnny Carson shared insightful and humorous observations on a wide range of topics, from politics and show business to everyday life. His quick wit and ability to connect with guests and audiences alike made him a beloved figure in households across America. Whether through his monologues, interviews, or skits, Carson had a unique talent for bringing laughter and joy to millions of viewers each night.
Below, we’ve curated a selection of some of Johnny Carson’s most memorable quotes. Feel free to use these quotes to add a touch of wit and humor to your day, whether you choose to share them with friends, post them on social media, or simply enjoy them for yourself. Let Carson’s timeless humor and wisdom inspire you as you explore the quotes featured on this page.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. Johnny Carson
I was going to hang it up on the twenty-fifth year of this show. I don’t know why. Maybe twenty-five years is enough. And I found out that I was having so much fun doing the show that we decided to stick around for a while. Johnny Carson
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. Johnny Carson
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. Johnny Carson
To be an entertainer, you gotta be a little gutsy, a little egotistical, so you have to pull back sometimes when people say, ‘Well, he’s stuck-up.’ ‘Stuck-up’ is only another word for self-conscious. Johnny Carson
People will pay more to be entertained than educated. Johnny Carson
There comes a time or a moment when you know in which direction you’re going to go. I know it happened to me when I was quite young. Johnny Carson
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. Johnny Carson
Talent alone won’t make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: ‘Are your ready?’ Johnny Carson
I know you’ve been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive. Johnny Carson
If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners. Johnny Carson
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die. Johnny Carson
I am one of the lucky people in the world: I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it. Johnny Carson
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money. Johnny Carson
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. Johnny Carson
The mind starts to do things that you didn’t even realize it could do. I suppose it’s the manipulation. I suppose it’s the sense of power, the center of attention, and the me-ism. And performers have to have that. Johnny Carson
When turkeys mate they think of swans. Johnny Carson
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam. Johnny Carson
My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day. Johnny Carson
Never continue in a job you don’t enjoy. If you’re happy in what you’re doing, you’ll like yourself, you’ll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined. Johnny Carson
People thought I was funny, so I kind of took entertaining for granted… it was inevitable that I’d start giving little performances. Johnny Carson
We’re more effective than birth control pills. Johnny Carson
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved. Johnny Carson
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. Johnny Carson
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president. Johnny Carson
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. Johnny Carson
Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do. Johnny Carson
